Fun, film and fond farewell to 2011...

IT'S FRIDAY FUN! and the Not Your Usual Suspects authors share some jokes and cheeky fun with you all through the Holiday season :)

A BUMPER post today to mark the end of our blog month :).
Take your time to read and browse and - hopefully - smile!

Thanks so much for visiting and chatting this month, we've had a great time and hope you have too.

**Comment on any post this month & be entered to win FREE BOOKS!**
***Countdown today: THIRTEEN BOOKS under the Christmas tree, see below***

Here are some jokes for your New Year:

Resolutions I'm more likely to KEEP?
10. Read less.
9. Put on at least 30 pounds.
8. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
7. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
6. Procrastinate more.
5. Drink. Drink some more.
4. Start being superstitious.
3. Spend more time at work.
2. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
and last but not least...
1. Take up a new habit: maybe drinking!

A New Year's Wish
On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck - the bartender was almost crushed to death.

Lecture Tour with A Difference
On New Year's Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. 'What are you doing out here at four o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer.

'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Roger.

'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year's Eve?' enquired the constable sarcastically.

'My wife,' slurred Daniel grimly.

Politician in Action
A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky.
'If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.'

Ten Indications of a New Year Hangover
* You get it into your head that chirping birds are the Devil's pets.
* Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to "Stay still."
* Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as drinking a glass of fresh paint.
* The bathroom reminds you of the fairground cry, "Step right up and give it whirl!"
* You'd rather chew tacks than be exposed to sunlight.
* You set aside an entire afternoon to spend some quality time with your toilet.
* You replace the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.
* Your catch phrase is, "Never again."
* You could purchase a new fridge on the proceeds from recycling the bottles around your bed.
* Your new response to "Good morning," is "Be quiet!"

New Year Quotes - inspirational or not?!

Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it's twice as onerous a duty. John Selden

Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits. Unknown

It wouldn't be New Year if I didn't have regrets. William Thomas

Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right. Oprah Winfrey

The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul. G.K. Chesterton

Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each New Year find you a better man. Benjamin Franklin

I'm a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser. Robert Paul

New Year's Eve: Where auld acquaintance be forgot...Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. Jay Leno

New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. Mark Twain

Every new year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals? Ogden Nash

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise above the little things. John Burroughs

                                     

                                    

Here's a YouTube clip made by the ship's personnel of HMS Ocean on learning they'd be home for Christmas 2011 (posted by Clare London, who married a sailor :)).

Back 9 Dec after 7½ months away - 225 days with 176 at sea.
400 people onboard (at peak during the amphibious exercises just under 900 onboard but approx 650 during Op Ellamy).
Steamed just over 40,000 miles.
Burned approx 6,000 tonnes of fuel.
Operated 16 different type of aircraft off the deck.

Realities of deploying:
15 babies born while the ship has been away (fathers did get home to see mum and baby)
5 people were sent home so they didn't miss their own weddings.
1 sailor whose son's third birthday is on homecoming. Family meeting ship

Ships company have missed:
Summer holidays.
Children's exam results
Children finishing school and starting university
The Padre missed his daughter's graduation.



Link - HMS Ocean

The marvellous a capella group Straight No Chaser and "The Twelve Days of Christmas", recommended by our visitor Frank:



Link - Straight No Chaser

And the inimitable Eartha Kitt who sadly died on Christmas Day 2008, here with her wonderfully cheeky Christmas song, Santa Baby.



Link - Eartha Kitt



Update on the BOOK GIVEAWAY:
Follow this on each post during Dec as the books mount up. Comment on any post to to be entered in the draw. Final prize giveaway on Jan 2!

THIRTEEN BOOKS ALREADY!

Blinded by Our Eyes by Clare London

Dead Silent - Shirley Wells

Sea of Suspicion by Toni Anderson

Under Fire by Rita Henuber

The Shoeless Kid - Marcelle Dube

No One to Trust - Julie Moffett

Icescapade - Josh Lanyon

Choice of backlist - Shelley Munro
Desperate Choices - Kathy Ivan
Protective Custody by Wynter Daniels
Her Dark Knight - Sharon Cullen
Only Fear - Anne Marie Becker
First Victim - JB Lynn