Feel free to share YOUR jokes in the comments - maybe we'll include some of them in later blog posts!
(Sez Clare: and hey, I take no responsibility for the seasonal cheesiness LOL)
What did the green grape say to the purple grape? "Breathe, moron. Breathe!"
*
*
On Christmas morning a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a beautiful diamond necklace. What do you think it means?”
“You’ll know tonight,” he said.
That evening just before opening presents, the husband came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it only to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams.”
*
“You’ll know tonight,” he said.
That evening just before opening presents, the husband came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it only to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams.”
*
Why is getting Christmas presents for your kids just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
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You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
*
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by St. Peter at the pearly gates.
“In honor of this holy season,” St. Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas in order to get into heaven.”
The man from Nova Scotia
“You may pass through the pearly gates,” St. Peter said.
“You may pass through the pearly gates,” St. Peter said.
The man from Saskatchewan
Saint Peter said, “You may pass through the pearly gates.”
The Newfoundlander started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”
The Newfie replied, “These are Carols.”
*
A man is walking through the Olympic village and stops to talk to an athlete who is carrying a really long pole. He asks “are you a pole vaulter” the athlete replies, “No I am German but how did you know my name was Walter?”
*
A man inScotland calls his son in London
"I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough".
"Dad, what are you talking about?'" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer", the Father says. "We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister inLeeds and tell her".
Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like hell they're getting divorced", she shouts, "I'll take care of this".
She callsScotland
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Done! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way."
*
A man is walking through the Olympic village and stops to talk to an athlete who is carrying a really long pole. He asks “are you a pole vaulter” the athlete replies, “No I am German but how did you know my name was Walter?”
*
A man in
"I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough".
"Dad, what are you talking about?'" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer", the Father says. "We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in
Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like hell they're getting divorced", she shouts, "I'll take care of this".
She calls
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Done! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way."
Share some Christmas music with Bruce Springsteen, recommended by Toni Anderson:
Link: http://youtu.be/T5yj8ARVV3MA clip from A Christmas Story, courtest of Rita Henuber:
http://youtu.be/MR-tKkWWtXo
Follow this on each post during Dec as the books mount up. Comment on any post to to be entered in the draw. Final prize giveaway on Jan 2!
FOUR BOOKS ALREADY!
Blinded by Our Eyes by Clare London
Dead Silent - Shirley Wells
Sea of Suspicion by Toni Anderson
Under Fire by Rita Henuber
15 comments:
Love the Bruce Springsteen video! One of my favorite Christmas rock songs!! :)
Jokes were funny, too! Ha, ha, ha!!
Julie--me too :)
I have to check out the other video now :)
Loved the jokes :)
Ooh, spooky. Bruce was singing Santa Claus is coming to town on my iPod when I arrived. Love it!
The 'There are Carols' lines cracks me up. I know, I know, but I shall be sniggering all day now. :)
I'm sitting here grinning. Thank you! I can now start my day.
Oh man, we haven't broken out A Christmas Story yet, but it's Friday night movie night at our house and I do believe I'm going to call mom's choice tonight. :)
I love A Christmas Story. It is the perfect movie for all ages.
Loved the Star bucks cartoon. Love my coffee.
Flying from the East Coast to the West Coast one Christmas a Christmas story was the in-flight movie. The man sitting next to me with all haughty about it. I was laughing and giggling because I love the movie. He looked at me and said "this the stupidest movie I have ever seen in my life." Well I took umbrage. I said my three sons loved it also. To which he responded "your sons must be idiots." Okay the fight was on. I responded with, "one son works for the CIA the other for the FBI the other is a captain with the fire department. I'll be sure to let them know that you think they're idiots. But to be honest, somehow I don't think you give a damn."
Yes I'm bad!
LOVE it! Thank you so much for the Friday chuckle! : )
Hee! Thanks for the Friday giggles! Here's one:
The Office Party
John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed
and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as
bad as I think?"
"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."
"He's an asshole," John said. "Piss on him."
"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."
"Well, screw him!" said John.
"I did. You're back at work on Monday."
I can't wait for the 24 hr. marathon of "A Christmas Story."
I definitely needed the 'funnies' - thank you.
Today was my favorite day of the week on NYUS! Way to go guys. I was so busy...and then I stopped by here and you all made me smile and laugh.
But I just loved, “No I am German but how did you know my name was Walter?”
This really brightness my day thank u
Sarah S
Thanks for the smiles.
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