NOT YOUR USUAL SUSPECTS

A group blog featuring an international array of killer mystery, suspense, and romantic suspense writers. With premises and story lines different from your run-of-the-mill whodunits, we tend to write outside the box. We blog several times a week on all topics relating to romantic suspense and mystery, our writing, and our readers. We welcome all comments! and often have guest bloggers.

We find our genre delightfully, dangerously, and deliciously exciting - join us here, if you do too!

Friday, December 9, 2011

Festive Fun and Music

IT'S FRIDAY FUN! and the Not Your Usual Suspects authors share some jokes and cheeky fun with you all through the Holiday season :)

Feel free to share YOUR jokes in the comments - maybe we'll include some of them in later blog posts!

(Sez Clare: and hey, I take no responsibility for the seasonal cheesiness LOL)



What did the green grape say to the purple grape?  "Breathe, moron. Breathe!"

*

On Christmas morning a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a beautiful diamond necklace. What do you think it means?”
“You’ll know tonight,” he said.
That evening just before opening presents, the husband came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it only to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams.”


*

Why is getting Christmas presents for your kids just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.


*

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by St. Peter at the pearly gates.
“In honor of this holy season,” St. Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas in order to get into heaven.”
The man from Nova Scotia fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle,” he said.
“You may pass through the pearly gates,” St. Peter said.
The man from Saskatchewan reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They're bells.”
Saint Peter said, “You may pass through the pearly gates.”
The Newfoundlander started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”
The Newfie replied, “These are Carols.”

*

A man is walking through the Olympic village and stops to talk to an athlete who is carrying a really long pole. He asks “are you a pole vaulter” the athlete replies, “No I am German but how did you know my name was Walter?”


*


A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says,

"I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough".

"Dad, what are you talking about?'" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer", the Father says. "We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her".

Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like hell they're getting divorced", she shouts, "I'll take care of this".

She calls Scotland immediately and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Done! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way."

                                     




                                    

Share some Christmas music with Bruce Springsteen, recommended by Toni Anderson:



Link: http://youtu.be/T5yj8ARVV3M


A clip from A Christmas Story, courtest of Rita Henuber:



http://youtu.be/MR-tKkWWtXo





Update on the BOOK GIVEAWAY:
Follow this on each post during Dec as the books mount up. Comment on any post to to be entered in the draw. Final prize giveaway on Jan 2!

FOUR BOOKS ALREADY!

                                  Blinded by Our Eyes by Clare London
Dead Silent - Shirley Wells
Sea of Suspicion by Toni Anderson
Under Fire by Rita Henuber

15 comments:

Julie Moffett said...

Love the Bruce Springsteen video! One of my favorite Christmas rock songs!! :)

Jokes were funny, too! Ha, ha, ha!!

Toni Anderson said...

Julie--me too :)

I have to check out the other video now :)

Loved the jokes :)

Shirley Wells said...

Ooh, spooky. Bruce was singing Santa Claus is coming to town on my iPod when I arrived. Love it!

The 'There are Carols' lines cracks me up. I know, I know, but I shall be sniggering all day now. :)

Marcelle Dubé said...

I'm sitting here grinning. Thank you! I can now start my day.

Avery Flynn said...

Oh man, we haven't broken out A Christmas Story yet, but it's Friday night movie night at our house and I do believe I'm going to call mom's choice tonight. :)

Anne said...

I love A Christmas Story. It is the perfect movie for all ages.

Elise Warner said...

Loved the Star bucks cartoon. Love my coffee.

Rita said...

Flying from the East Coast to the West Coast one Christmas a Christmas story was the in-flight movie. The man sitting next to me with all haughty about it. I was laughing and giggling because I love the movie. He looked at me and said "this the stupidest movie I have ever seen in my life." Well I took umbrage. I said my three sons loved it also. To which he responded "your sons must be idiots." Okay the fight was on. I responded with, "one son works for the CIA the other for the FBI the other is a captain with the fire department. I'll be sure to let them know that you think they're idiots. But to be honest, somehow I don't think you give a damn."
Yes I'm bad!

Shawna Thomas said...

LOVE it! Thank you so much for the Friday chuckle! : )

flchen1 said...

Hee! Thanks for the Friday giggles! Here's one:

The Office Party

John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed
and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as
bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."

"He's an asshole," John said. "Piss on him."

"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."

"Well, screw him!" said John.

"I did. You're back at work on Monday."

Jane said...

I can't wait for the 24 hr. marathon of "A Christmas Story."

Karen C said...

I definitely needed the 'funnies' - thank you.

MaureenAMiller said...

Today was my favorite day of the week on NYUS! Way to go guys. I was so busy...and then I stopped by here and you all made me smile and laugh.

But I just loved, “No I am German but how did you know my name was Walter?”

Sarah said...

This really brightness my day thank u

Sarah S

Chrissy Munder said...

Thanks for the smiles.

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