It's Not Easy Being Green: Motivation 101 for Writers

Remember when you were a kid and your mom warned you that you wouldn’t always get what you wanted? You were determined to prove her wrong. And she ended up being right anyway.

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Not one of my favorite life lessons. But over the years, and maybe especially because I am a writer, I’ve learned that sometimes you just have to wait for things you really, really want. Sometimes you have to work a lot harder to earn them. And sometimes you have to stop thinking like a spoiled brat (which of course you aren’t) and edit your expectations—or even completely rewrite them.  

Two years ago, I attended my first Left Coast Crime writers conference in Portland, OR. I loved every minute of it—especially being introduced to so many amazing authors and their books. I swore to my new BFFs that I’d be back for the 2017 conference. Destination: Hawaii! (cue Tiny Bubbles)

Well, to make a long story short, that didn’t happen. I spent the conference weekend not in balmy Paradise, but home in freezing New Hampshire, working on a manuscript that’s due in 15 days—not that I’m counting or anything—and trying very hard not to be jealous.

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But the truth is, I wasn't. (I mean, okay, maybe just a little.) That’s because two of my West Coast cozy mystery writer BFFs, Ellen Byron and Marla Cooper, were nominated for Lefty Awards—Ellen for Best Humorous Mystery and Marla for Best Debut Mystery—and I was over the blue Hawaiian moon for them. Here are their books, by the way:

Plus, I got to attend in spirit, thanks to the miracle of social media. I heard about the awesome panels, the food, the exotic cocktails, the broken Starbucks machine, the welcome luau on the beach (with fireworks!), the whale watches, the convos at the bar. It was the next best thing to being there.

(photos courtesy of author Eleanor Cawood Jones)

Marla even brought along her ukulele and wowed everyone at the Reader Connections:

On Saturday night, I tried to stay up for the Lefty Awards live. Honolulu is 6 hours behind EST, so I didn’t quite make it. At 2 am, though, I rallied, stalking the Twitterverse and waiting for texts with the results:

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Due to an unusually long salad course at the awards dinner, I unfortunately dozed off again--but woke up Sunday to the news that Ellen had won for Best Humorous Mystery. Yay!

As I type this, the Left Coast Crime 2017 attendees are packing their bags for home. Have to admit, I’m feeling a bit of post-conference letdown. But I’ll see many of these very same writers in Bethesda, MD next month for Malice Domestic.  By then, of course, this ms. will have been completed for 26 days (again, not that I’m counting). No way am I missing another chance to hang out with my favorite writer and reader peeps.

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And next year, Mom, I will be at Left Coast Crime 2018, because I’m feeling lucky. That’s right, folks:  It may not be quite as exotic as Hawaii, but Reno, here I come!

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So what's especially motivating YOU right now, writers? And have you ever felt a tiny bit green? 'Fess up in the comments below!

Great Expectations: A Romance for Christmas

Okay, so let’s get the disclaimer out of the way right up front. I write cozy mysteries, with almost zero romance, so I can’t promise you’ll wake up to the love of your life on December twenty-fifth after a whirlwind courtship and a candlelit Christmas Eve wedding, performed (or at least arranged) by Santa.

Sorry about that. I can’t even guarantee you a decent date for New Year’s Eve.

Of course, you may already have that perfect holiday someone. But maybe you haven’t had a chance to appreciate each other enough lately, with those dual glamorous, high-powered careers or heartbreaking childhood memories or impossible family complications that leave you too exhausted or frazzled or disillusioned for love. So sad.

Decadent chocolates, long bubble baths and wine on IV drip fail to cheer as you ponder the dismal shortage of available soulmates? Hopefully you have a fulfilling hobby to take your mind off that hidden heartbreak. For instance...

You love to bake Christmas cookies. Millions and zillions, worthy of five Martha stars. Or maybe you sketch wedding gowns or plan other brides’ weddings or rescue adorably fuzzy kittens and puppies or collect glittering crystal ornaments or angel music boxes.

No? Okay, let's try this: The minute those Turkey Day dishes are done, you spend every waking moment after work for weeks scouring your super-clean, festively bustling city for the perfect Christmas tree—but once discovered, you immediately turn it over to the handsome stranger with the adorable kids who finds it at the exact same time. (Niece and nephew, as it turns out. Phew!)

None of these scenarios ring a Christmas bell? Hmm. Maybe you haven’t found the partner of your dreams because you’re an uber-focused career gal slaving for an overly demanding (but undeniably charming) CEO in that same fabulous, but oh-so-lonely-at-the-holidays city. 

Or you’re the sweet girl next door in an adorably-themed town that makes Mayberry look downright sketchy, and you’ve got your hands full with a mysterious newcomer who keeps shaking up your snow globe world (literally, it’s a snow globe). If you’re super lucky, he’ll turn out to be Mr. Right. Worst case, he’s some kind of twinkly-eyed, interfering Secret Santa.

Of course, there is one more, perfectly likely reason you have no romantic prospects in sight this Christmas. You’re a princess! You know what that means, right? You can’t tell anyone you know. Maybe you just found out you have royal blood, so you’re still getting used to the idea, as well as the tiny, festively decorated castle designed for Grace Kelly. Or maybe you were casually dating a clean-cut, impeccably-mannered guy with a vague British accent—and he’s bringing you home to meet his disapproving parents.

Gosh, I hope all you romantic hopefuls out there won’t think I’m trying to crumble your Christmas cookies here.  I’m just being super cautious, because it’d be a shame to trash that whole poinsettia bouquet deal too soon. And maybe--just maybe—your holiday love story will work out.

Why? Because Christmas is magic, that one special time of year when all your dreams can come true. You’ve got seventeen days left til December twenty-fifth--and remember, Santa always comes through.

Maybe I'll add a little romance to my next mystery. Definitely after the holidays, though, because there's no way I'm tearing myself away from this TV and Costco-sized pallet of Kleenex. 

BELIEVE.

Five Characters You Meet at Book Club

Today the Ladies Smythe & Westin are back in Permanently Booked, a book club-themed mystery. To celebrate—and perhaps as a gentle caution—here are the profiles of a few interesting members you may encounter at your next literary gathering:

Hermione 10.0

I know, we all adore Hermione Granger. This is Hermione on steroids. Uber-dedicated but a bit of a bossypants, she’s already finished every book on the selection list—and she’ll lap you on the re-reads. She prefers to draft her own reader’s guides and the questions are a lot tougher than the ones you prepped for on the Internet.

Sidebar Cindy and Cell Phone Sue

I’m counting these two as one here, since it’s sometimes hard to tell them apart. Sidebar Cindy talks nonstop about everything other than books: her love life, her workout routine, her kids’ soccer games, the last amazing party you weren’t invited to—you name it. Cell Phone Sue texts constantly, with alert pings that drive your dog through the glass coffeetable. She also loves to share photos and takes selfies with the refreshments. This duo usually arrives late, and neither has read the book up for discussion. Closest book club BFFs: Wine-Hog Wanda and Resked-Request Rita.

Fandango Fran

She’s rarely read the book, but you can bet she’s seen the movie or TV show, and blithely tries to fake it. No one except Hermione 10.0 wants to clue her in that the movie had a different ending, because that would be rude and embarrassing. She’s not going to read the book, anyway.

Malachi the Writer Guy

This member never misses a meeting. He’s in your writer’s group, too, but they’re the same thing, right? Malachi the Writer Guy is dying to share his (own) two-thousand-page novel. Usually military fiction with extremely, er, vivid romantic interludes you’ll never scrub from your mind.  Don’t bother trying to figure out a way to get rid of him. It’s futile.

Doodlebug Debbie

No one really knows about Debbie. She never says a word at meetings, but creates endless, highly-detailed illustrations on the back of the reader’s guide handout in shaded pencil. Mutilated unicorns, elaborate skulls, bloody, medieval-looking hatchets, that kind of thing. Probably best not to ask.

I admit, I may have exaggerated a teensy bit here—and if you share any qualities with these characters, I sincerely apologize. See you next month—Hermione 10.0 is already halfway through Permanently Booked!

Please join Lisa Q. Mathews at her website, on Twitter, Facebook, and Goodreads. 

Readers, do you have a character to add to this list? Discuss below in the comments!

The Art of Not Cooking

My name is Lisa Q. Mathews and I’d like to kick off my very first post here on Not Your Usual Suspects by saying hello. I write about sunny Florida but live in soon-to-be-snowy New Hampshire. I used to be an editor of Nancy Drew mysteries, among other things. And I’m thrilled to be not only the newest member of this amazing group, but—a brand new author!

My debut mystery, CARDIAC ARREST—Book One in an odd-couple female sleuth series called The Ladies Smythe & Westin—was published by Carina Press earlier this month. I am, of course, still on Cloud One Hundred-Nine.

The series features a semi-reformed, twenty-something party girl, Summer Smythe, and a feisty, seventy-something widow, Dorothy Westin, who team up to solve murders in glitzy SW Florida. Base of operations: The Hibiscus Pointe Senior Living Community. (Summer is camping out there in her late grandma’s condo.)

Technically, the Ladies’ adventures can be classified as “cozy” (not to be confused with “cuddly”) —traditional puzzle mysteries à la Christie, with an off-screen murder (often involving a victim who was not particularly beloved), amateur sleuths, no graphic violence or onscreen sex, a community of recurring characters, and a satisfying ending where the villain is unmasked, justice is served, and order is restored to the characters’ world.

There is a very popular sub-genre of cozy mysteries, often called “culinary cozies,” which contain delicious recipes in the back, and food adds to the ambiance of the book. Well, I can assure you that the Ladies do plenty of eating and, yes, a bit of drinking. They frequently dine out in fancy restaurants, and Dorothy also takes advantage of the formal 5 pm dinners included in her hefty monthly residents fee. Both love sweets and neither is above sneaking a snack from the free welcome buffets Hibiscus Pointe offers to lure prospective residents.

The Ladies can do a lot of things. But one thing neither of them does is...cook. And they’re not terribly apologetic about that. But you can blame me, and I’ll blame Peg Bracken, because I grew up with her I Hate to Cook Book. (Ms. Bracken was apparently quite a mystery fan herself. Her recipe for Stayabed Stew, she claimed, was ideal “for those days when you are en négligée, en bed, with a murder story and box of bonbons…”).

I hope you enjoy the crime-solving capers of the Ladies Smythe & Westin. And really, you’re much better off without their (or my) recipe suggestions. Trust me.

When a man falls at your feet, you'd better hope he's not dead.

Twenty-something party girl Summer Smythe is starting over in the unlikeliest of places: Hibiscus Pointe, a kitschy retirement community in upscale Milano, Florida. Her new gig? Working for Dr. A, Milano’s much-loved cardiologist. But being in over her head is the least of Summer’s worries when her new boss drops dead…right in front of her.

Long-time resident Dorothy Westin prefers to mind her own business. But when the young blonde already causing ripples throughout Hibiscus Pointe becomes a person of interest in Dr. A’s murder, Dorothy springs into action. Not only because the real killer is still on the loose, but because there’s simply no way her clueless-but-kind new friend could have poisoned someone.

Dorothy and Summer soon discover that despite his chosen specialty, Dr. A had quite a reputation for breaking hearts. And if the Ladies Smythe and Westin don’t identify the guilty party fast, Summer will end up in handcuffs…and Dorothy in a body bag.

Join The Ladies Smythe & Westin on their next case, PERMANENTLY BOOKED, coming April 2016!

Available from Amazon, Nook, iBooks, kobo, and GooglePlay.

What the Heck is a Cozy Anyway?

I probably don’t have to tell you cozy mysteries are in a class by themselves. Cozy readers are some of the most passionate people I know, but in case anyone out there is stumbling onto the term for the first time, let me tell you the cozy “rules.” Okay, I used quotes because I’m kind of a most-things-are-probably-guidelines girl. Plus, “rules” seems so rude and totalitarian, doesn’t it? I prefer Guidelines. Maybe that’s me?

Cozy guidelines are easy. These lively little mysteries are part of the crime fiction family, but they are also so much more….They’re fun! Cozies always have an amateur, sleuth. Once upon a time most of those were female, nowadays there are plenty of fabulous male amateur sleuths as well. (My heroine's a female, so I'll go with "She" for this post). The heroine’s drawn into the investigation and has to learn as she goes. She lives in a small community where she’s comfortable. The secondary characters are rich and interactive.

Cozies don’t linger on gory crime scene details and they don’t use excessive foul language. They also don’t describe intimate scenes between characters. Ugh, that really does sound like rules, huh?

BUT! Hang in here with me. This is the best part…Cozies are meant to make a reader smile, keep her hooked and hopefully keep her guessing. Cozies can have romance, but it never overwhelms the plot. Cozies are written for quick-witted readers and the storyline moves at a clip. Plus, like any good mystery, red herrings abound! I do enjoy a good bunny trail. Just when I think I know what’s happening, the author yanks the carpet out from under me and I’m reading faster to find out what will happen next! Cozies are a thrill! I’m still getting my head around the fact I’ve written one. No. Three!

Many small things come together to form a good cozy, but my favorite aspect of this genre is the humor. I love to laugh and I really really like to make others laugh. A lot. So, when I pick up a novel that can make me smile, it’s a keeper – and it’s often a cozy. If I can make a reader laugh? You can’t see me, but I’m shaking my head. If I make a reader laugh, I’ve nailed it. I win at authoring.

In my Patience Price Myeteries, I’ve taken a curiosity-driven island counselor and taunted her with endless amounts of intrigue and obstacles. She’s dealt with body parts washing up on the beach, a reality show come to town, locals worried about their safety, a shark infestation, birders arriving by the busload, money problems and some pretty serious threats on her life.
If that’s not enough, she’s got family drama. Her adoring, hippie parents don’t understand her Type-A ways. Her current love interest doesn’t understand why her ex-soul mate is always hanging around and her ex doesn’t really see the problem. The town’s dividing up publicly on the topic of her love life and hey! They even made shirts.

I think women have the most fun with cozies because we understand the struggle. We juggle the same things, minus the murder, I hope. We deal with family and friends and romance. Community commitments and punch a time clock. Women know all about how easy it is to leave the house wearing two different shoes. We’ve all tried to dial our glasses and put the phone on our nose. Imagine trying to solve a murder too. It’s crazy, but when it’s someone else’s crazy…..so it’s fun to watch the antics unfold.

Car bombs? Shootings? Abductions? Sure. But what about golf cart chases, cat dates and missing eyebrows? Absolutely! In a cozy mystery, there’s no end to the antics an amateur can get herself into while following the clues to a killer. I shudder to think how far I’d make it in a real sleuthing scenario. I’m going to guess not very far.

Are you a cozy reader? What’s your favorite series? Do you think you’d make a good sleuth?

Scene Stealer

"At the end of the week we're giving away a stack of ebooks (possibly a couple of print books too) to one lucky commentator. The more times you comment, the more times you'll go into the 'hat'. We'll post the winner on the blog next Monday."


Scene Stealer by Elise Warner

A cozy mystery (Not your usual romantic suspense.)

After a chance encounter on the subway, Miss Augusta Weidenmaier, a retired schoolteacher living in New York’s Greenwich Village, is determined to help the police in the search for missing nine-year-old child actor Kevin Corcoran. Never mind that she has no training in law enforcement—she spent decades teaching. She knows when someone is lying.

In Chap. 15, Kevin’s father, a suspect, sneaks into the hospital to see Jean, his estranged wife, and Kevin’s mother.

Excerpt from Chap. 15
The dream fades. Someone is sitting on a hard, plastic chair next to the hospital bed. Charles wasn’t a hallucination brought on by a combination of tranquilizers and fear. Her hand gripped the sheet.
“It’s all right, Jean.” He tried to pat her hand with his. Charles wasn’t used to small tender gestures.
“Kevin’s with you, isn’t he?”
“I wouldn’t take Kevin without telling you, Jean.” He groped for his next words. “I couldn’t hurt you or Kevin. You believe me, don’t you?”
She did. Charles Corcoran was not a liar.
“He could be sick or hurt or dead.”
“Kevin’s not dead. I’m going to find him. I swear it.”
“What will we do?” Her hand reached for his. The hand was cold. She studied his face; he looked emaciated. The penetrating blue eyes lost in shadowed cavities.
A quiver of fear made her hand tremble. Charles was different. Was he telling her the truth? She needed to trust him.
“Tell me everything, Jean. Does anyone have a reason to dislike you or the boy? Think. Someone, anyone, you might have forgotten to tell the police about?”
The photo in the gossip column. “Lawrence Dunn. He’s in a one man show at an off-Broadway theatre called Saint Genesis. He and Kevin auditioned for the “Cowboy Bob’s Big, Bad Burger” commercial.”
Jean hesitated. “At first, Dunn was charming and then they read together. Kevin was asked to wait; Lawrence Dunn dismissed. Actors are rejected more often than not, Kevin is just a little boy; it wasn’t his fault Dunn didn’t get the job.”
“Stage mother!” Dunn had hurled the words at her making them sound obscene.
“It’s my fault. I wanted Kevin to be an actor. I wanted everyone to know his name.”
“Jean, I’m going to find Kevin.”
Charles kissed her forehead. She buried her face in his chest but the scent of bay rum mixed with the acrid odor of sweat. An odor foreign to the man she had married. Jean slipped out of the embrace, rested her head against the pillows. She closed her eyes—wanting to tell him to go away—afraid to say the words out loud.


Steal Stealer is available at Amazon www.amazon.com/scenestealer-ebook/dp/B003NX7BSA www.barnesandnoble.com www.carinapress.com and wherever eBooks are sold An audio version has been produced by www.audible.com

To learn more about me:

www.elisewarner.blogspot.com

www.elisewarner.com

Confessions of a Sneak

Okay, I’ll ‘fess up. I don’t write Romantic Suspense, at least, not yet. I do write things with lots of suspense, and I have written romance, but I haven’t gotten around to combining them yet.

So why am I here?

Because I snuck in when they weren’t looking, that’s why. You aren’t going to turn me in, are you? I do write good books, exciting books that can get your heart pounding in another way… Let me show you.

THE HOLLOW HOUSE is a cozy murder mystery set in Denver in 1919. Don’t ask me why. I knew nothing about either one – though now I know lots! – but the story wouldn’t let itself be written in any other place or time. The teaser is, “When a murder is committed in her employer’s home, Geraldine Brunton knows she must solve the crime to hide the fact she herself is a killer.” THE HOLLOW HOUSE will be released by Carina on 14 November.

Out now is a tasty little horror novella called LURE OF THE MUMMY. It’s the first horror ever published by Carina Press or, if I have heard it correctly, by Harlequin. Set in my beloved Cairo, LURE is about a down-on-his-luck translator named Bert who acquires an ancient votive cat mummy dedicated to the lion-headed destroyer goddess Sekhmet. It’s just a mummy… or is it? As Bert’s circumstances begin to change, he begins to wonder. Then he looks at the dried-out husk, its wrappings so old and desiccated they are crumbling, and something looks back at him from the bony eye sockets…

LURE OF THE MUMMY had its genesis in two incidents on my latest trip to Egypt last year. In a little town I was exploring while the rest of our group was happily arguing over the hieroglyphs in a small temple, and a strange man appeared from nowhere then tried to sell me a cat mummy. Ick! Then, later, in the Cairo Museum, we saw a number of votive mummies, including the ferocious looking one my dear friend Dr. Salima Ikram likes to call ‘Bad Kitty,’ and the story was born.

Right now I’m working on the revisions of another horror novella, this one entitled TIMELESS INNOCENT. It’s about a not-too-skillful lawyer who has to handle the strange will of some old friends and must deal with a lot of things she can’t really handle, including a crowd of demons.

Awaiting its turn at revision is perhaps the closest thing I have to a Romantic Suspense. It is a Traditional Gothic currently entitled DARK SUN, though I am told that will change. It concerns the daughter of an author of high fantasy novels; she never knew her father, believing that he committed suicide when she was a toddler and might have intended to sacrifice her. His books live on, though, and finally she attends one of the conventions held to honor her father and his works. This particular gathering is at the small college where he once taught, and sponsored by men who knew her father. What she does not expect is the appearance of an old love nor the threat of danger, and especially the fact she must face the possibility that the fantastical world her father created might not be totally fictional.

Both TIMELESS INNOCENT and DARK SUN (under whatever title) will be out sometime in the spring of 2012.

So, not a single real Romantic Suspense in sight, but a lot of pulse-pounding, heart-stopping action and suspense. And a little romance as well.

Ooops! I better go. I think someone just noticed I’m here. Thanks for reading Carina books!

20 Tips for Writing the Cozy or Traditional Mystery

Despite the glut in recent years of everything from knitting mysteries to miniature car racing mysteries, the cozy or (preferred term) traditional mystery continues to be a perennial favorite with readers.

Though it has a reputation for being quaint, old-fashioned, and unrealistic, the cozy is actually one of the sub-genres that has evolved the most since the Golden Age of crime fiction. In fact, many of the old “rules” of writing these stories -- including that of avoiding strong romantic subplots -- are no longer even relevant these days.

Though I don’t happen to write a cozy mystery series for Carina Press, I do write a rather popular one for Samhain Publishing -- that would be Holmes & Moriarity series -- so I thought I’d share a few tips.

1 - The main protagonist of a cozy mystery must not be a professional criminal investigator. It’s not accident that these books are all about amateur sleuths with occupations like party coordinator or (ahem) mystery author. The fun of these books is to see an ordinary person caught in extraordinary circumstances without the resources of the police or the private investigator.

That said, for the sake of sanity, the protagonist is often dating a cop or a private investigator.

2 - The cozy mystery typically takes place within a confined and relatively isolated environment with a limited cast of characters. The setting can be anywhere from a grand snowbound country manor in the wilds of the English Lake District to the unfortunate little seaside town where that terrorist Jessica Fletcher used to live.

Yes, the limited cast of characters does make it generally easy to guess who-dunnit, but the charm of these books is more in the journey and not the destination, locked room or otherwise.

3 - Graphic violence is about as popular as the graphic sex and the explicit language. As popular as shows like CSI are, most cozy readers don't enjoy discussion of brain matter and blood spatter. It’s just not…cozy.

4 - Amateur sleuths need to detect with the resources available to them -- just like PIs or police officers. So crimes cannot be solved solely by flashes of intuition, dreams, divine intervention, friendly ghosts -- or blatant coincidences. The sleuth must...sleuth.

Here’s the exception to that rule. In theory the cozy mystery’s protagonist should tie in at least loosely with how the crimes are solved, so if your protagonist is, in fact, an intuitionist, an interpreter of dreams, a nun, or a medium then these methods of revelation will all be…er…relevant.

Except for the blatant coincidence. There’s no excuse for that.

5 - Certain themes are best handled with great delicacy. It’s not true that you can’t address issues such as child abuse, rape, drug addiction, war crimes, and racism in a cozy mystery, but don’t bludgeon your reader over the head with your theme. There’s plenty of hard-hitting crime fiction out there. The cozy reader is looking for something specific in tone and mood. It has to do with the word “cozy.” It’s not just a thing to keep a teapot warm.

6 - A romantic subplot is good. Romance is the best selling genre around, and romantic mystery crossovers are very, very popular.




7 - No explicit sex. I know, I know. I just said romance was a good thing. And I will qualify that. If you’re writing a cozy mystery for the male-male audience or for an ebook publisher, you can enjoy writing a peculiar hybrid of erotic cozy called the “whoazy” (yes, I just totally made that up) but you won’t be selling that bad boy to Berkley Prime Crime. Graphic details, even of a romantic and intimate nature, don't fly with mainstream cozy readers.

8 - Large families and friends offer lots of opportunities for subplots and comedy relief. The cozy mystery is every bit as much about the non-crime-related life of the protagonist as it is about solving a crime. The charm of these books is in the characters and their world. People your stories with lots of entertaining characters who will lead the protagonist to ever more interesting and emotionally satisfying encounters.

9 - Don't forget the cozy trappings. Food, setting, clothes -- this stuff is fun and helps to balance the grimness of violent death. World building is central to the cozy mystery, but unlike in the spec fiction novel, it is not the strangeness of the world you want to focus on, it’s the familiar and recognizable aspects -- and then the effective contrast of violence.

10 - Cozy mysteries sell best as series. Cozy readers like to stick with the characters and worlds they like.

11 - Treat murder with the respect that it deserves. Violent death is not funny. Victims of violent death -- even loathsome victims -- still should not be treated like gag gifts. For one thing, if you treat murder like a big joke, you've just eliminated any tension or suspense from your story.

12 - That said, everything else is fair game. A sense of humor, a playful spirit is good. Cozy readers generally like to leaven the tension of murder and crime with a few chuckles.

13 - The story and the main character must be more than a gimmick. Right before the cozy mystery became persona non grata at so many agent and editorial offices there was a rash of really stupid gimmicky mysteries that were nothing more than desperate attempts to find some new way to dress up the grand dame of crime fiction. At the heart of every cozy mystery is a good story. Readers do not choose these books because they’re desperate to read about stamp collecting, ice fishing, or lace-making. Sure those things can be interesting, but in themselves they are not enough to build a series.

14 - Cozy protagonists are human and fallible. Remember to give your protag a few faults. Sexual addiction and kleptomania...not so good. Addiction to Ding Dongs or a tendency to jump to conclusions, that's fun.

15 - It’s usually best to kill off characters the reader isn’t going to spend the rest of the book actively grieving for. You want the reader focused on the fun of solving the mystery, not angry with you for killing off the most interesting character.

16 - Break up the white, middle class, genteel vibe with interesting supporting characters of other cultures, ethnicities, and orientations. But avoid trotting these characters out like visitors from a freak show.

17 - Bad words are a no-no. Cozy readers take a dim view of potty mouths. The F-word is verboten, and taking the Lord's name in vain will send you straight to publishing Hell. Obviously I’m talking to those of you with an eye on a mainstream publisher. The rest of us can do whatever the fuck we like.


18 - Don’t write a cozy mystery because you think it will sell. Write the cozy because you love the charm and warmth (beneath the murder and mayhem) of these stories.


19 - Respect the reader.

20 - Never kill a cat. Yeah, I’m not kidding. Do not kill pets. It's the Never Kill a Cat rule -- and from the way some of these readers talk, it actually may not be just a rule, it might be The Lost Commandment. Need I say that killing children is even worse than killing pets. Killing anything small is probably not a good idea.