To hide or not to hide!

I have far too many days during the course of writing a book when I feel the need to run and hide under the duvet. 

Sometimes, the writing process seems impossible and I’m so convinced that I’m incapable of stringing a coherent sentence together that I feel the need to hide. 

When those magical words The End are finally written, I think my worries should be over - but no. They only increase. I have to send the book to my editor and that brings on another of those days. Nails are chewed and nerves are strained to breaking point as I convince myself that she’ll hate every single word. 

Publication day should be a doddle, right? I’m happy that my book’s worthy and my editor likes it so what’s to worry about? Plenty. That brings on a hide under the duvet with a very large bottle of alcohol day. I know I should be out there promoting it but all I want to do is hide in case the whole world hates it. 

Publication day comes and goes and I should relax. World War Three didn’t break out. No Worst Book Ever headlines appear. Time to relax, right? Sadly, not. For me, the worst worry ever then raises its ugly head. The reviews. I know that not everyone likes every book. I know I’ve plucked up courage to read a one star review only to see “Haven’t read it yet”. (What’s that about?!?) I know that books destined to top the bestsellers lists for months pick up a lot of negative reviews. I know all this yet I never stop worrying. I tell myself not to read the reviews but can never resist a quick look. 

My latest book, The Final Echoes, hasn’t received many reviews yet but they’re coming in slowly and surely. And they’re good. All very positive. (Don’t feel obliged but the book is on sale at Amazon for the whole month of June. :o)) 

Time to stop worrying? No, because the whole sorry process has started again. You see, I’m writing the next book. Yes, the whole process seems impossible. And yes, I’m convinced I can’t string a coherent sentence together. 

Maybe I should forget writing and take up something that’s easier on my nerves. Sky diving or perhaps swimming with sharks springs to mind.

Does anyone else feel the same or is it just me?  

Risking failure

Our old house was on a dead-end street, a nice long quiet road with trees and kids and people who mostly observed the speed limit. For the longest time, when I drove in and out of our neighborhood, I’d see a teenaged boy practicing skateboard tricks—or rather the same trick—over and over.

He’d do the set-up, launch—and fail miserably.

But he didn’t give up and eventually I saw him nail the move. It didn’t happen overnight. It was a gradual process. Instead of succeeding once in a hundred times, it would be one in ten and then most of the time, he jump and spin and pick up his board. Smile. And practice it again.

And after a while, he’d start on a new skill, a new trick. And fail miserably.

I can’t count the number of times I thought, a girl would never do that.

Not the practicing and the striving, but the public failure. Repeated failure. Where everyone could see them mess up and sprawl all over the pavement or the lawn and look like a dork.

I hadn’t thought about that kid in years, but a recent post brought it crashing back.

Earlier this week, a friend posted about this on Facebook. http://jezebel.com/5955277/one-mistake-wont-ruin-your-life-remember-that

Basically Hugo talked about the tragic suicide of a teen, Amanda Todd, following severe harassment after Todd’s decision to ‘sext’ a man who, it turns out, may have been a predator. Allegedly this man tried to blackmail her and released the pictures to her classmates and life took a horrible turn for Ms. Todd. More horribly, she didn’t see a way out.

Unfortunately, Todd’s story has been hijacked and trotted out as a warning to girls about the danger of stepping ‘out of line’ with anything sexual, another ridiculous blame to victim measure. While the article initially focused on sexuality, what is most concerning to me is the way the ‘messing up your life’ message demands perfection from young—and not so young—women, while at the same time forbidding them to experiment or risk failure. As I told Nicole in our Facebook exchange, this is the broader message for me:

 

[Resilience and the ability to thrive] means focusing on giving them what we've given their brothers for decades: the chance to see failure –- and even humiliation -– as an opportunity rather than as a life-destroying disaster.  

 

Beyond the business world and the implications there—a whole different post about taking risks and business. There is a terrific Forbes article about female entrepreneurs, who are a too small percentage of that market but a highly successful one, if anyone is interested—I kept thinking about the implications of this message, this demand for instant perfection, on creativity. Whatever the media—visual through paint, photography, glass, fiber; performance in dance or theater; or the written word—taking a chance, risking failure if you will, is inherent in creative works. As much as we try to say, “writing is a business” or “once we finish it’s a product,” the end result of our creative endeavor is still a piece of our soul.

And we offer it up to the world to critique.

If we aren’t “allowed” to take risks, to risk failure, if we have to be “perfect” before we attempt…anything, what does that say about us as a society? If we all have to fall in line and not push creative boundaries, there won’t be urban fantasies or paranormal entities or mysteries that make us think, not just about who did the crime, but what led those characters to make those decisions or any of the other layers we authors craft into our stories to make us think outside the expected. Outside the safe.

And failure to take the creative risk is a loss for all of us.

I don’t want to live in a white bread world, where everything is the same. Where people are afraid to take risks. Are afraid to challenge their deepest fears and embrace their highest dreams.

 

Instead I applaud everyone who steps outside their comfort zone and offers a piece of their vision. A piece of their heart.

 

 

Senses and Sensibility

It's no secret that everyone has a physical response to fear. For the mystery/suspense/thriller author, peppering in several senses heightens the reader's experience. By writing what the body experiences in moments of terror, we can show what's going on in our character's head and avoid telling our audience the emotion.

Nearly all our senses react to strong stimuli like someone threatening us with a weapon. If the protagonist has sweaty hands, a dry mouth, a rapid heartbeat or chills up and down his spine, the reader recognizes these feelings from his own moments of fear.

This works fine in a point of view character, but what if the POV character isn't the one we want to portray as afraid? Then we add the visible cues of fear. We might see the frightened person tremble or widen their eyes. We could hear them gasp or scream or maybe their voice rises to a higher pitch. If we are holding one of their hands, we'd feel it trembling. Some say they smell fear, although I think that's figurative.

Using these techniques and building them to a fevered pitch can create wonderful tension and panic for your reader. And in our line of work, that's what it's all about. When a reader or reviewer says they were terrified during part of my story, I know I've done my job.