NOT YOUR USUAL SUSPECTS

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Friday, May 24, 2013

Forgive and... Remember?

I’m so jazzed to see my newest baby out in the world this week. I had a great time writing Living Dangerously. I’m a big fan of Hollywood and all things entertainment so to be able to write a little about it is always fun. One of the themes I use in many of my books is trust. Betrayal makes for great conflict and great stories come from great conflict.
 

Personally, I’m a pretty forgiving person. But, I’m also like an elephant and I never forget anything. So if someone lies to me or betrays me, I might forgive them, but I’ll always remember what they did to me. I’d hate to think I’m the only person out there with a memory for that sort of thing. (And it’s odd since I have a really cruddy memory with everything else!)  But sometimes, depending on the betrayal, I’m not sure I could be so quick to forgive. Take Sandra Bullock and Jessie James. After all the lying that Tiger Woods did to his wife, I imagined Sandra saying very casually, “Man, if my man did that, I’d leave him so fast his head would spin.” Then low and behold, she finds out her man did exactly the same thing and she’s probably thinking, “It’s time to put my money where my mouth is. Later, Dude.” I can’t imagine how hard that is, to put your total trust and faith in someone and have them lie to you. I’m sure everyone’s been through a certain version of that whether it was with a friend, family member or even a spouse. (Dare I say, former spouse?)

The question is, are certain lies easier to forgive than others? I happen to think so. Are certain lies more damaging than others? Absolutely. Do you have a line in the sand? A lie you can’t forgive? Or maybe the lie you can forgive once, but not twice?

That's my question for the blog, but before I go, I want to announce my other big news. Aside from this being my release week, it also begins the countdown for my next book, Against The Wall! One month from today, June 24, the first book in my High Stakes series goes on sale and I can't wait for it to be out. Today is cover reveal day, not only here but on my website and FB page. What do you think?

23 comments:

Clare London said...

Congrats on the release and Coming Soon, too :). Marvellous cover!

I've said "I won't forgive that" too many times, and then relented, to think the human spirit and love aren't resilient enough to cope with most things. But only of course if there's genuine remorse and an intention to make things better in future!

What a thoughtful post, Dee:)

Dee J. said...

Hi Clare,
Thank you!
I'm usually a big forgiver too. Only if something is done intentionally do I have real problems with forgiveness. Although, depending on a situation, I might have a problem forgiving an attitude. LOL. Thanks for stopping in!

Anne Marie Becker said...

Love the covers, D.J.! And the books look fantastic, too. Congrats on both releases (now and upcoming)!!

I try to forgive, but yes, it's hard to forget. I tend to forget the details (so much going on in my head, so there's not enough room, I guess), but the pain is so hard to leave behind. I suppose it's human/animal nature to remember pain so we don't repeat a mistake, right? Survival instinct. ;)

Dee J. said...

Hi Anne Marie,
Thanks! I love my covers too!
I agree with you... anytime we're hurt it can be hard to forget. You're so right... it's feeling/remembering that pain/betrayal that stays with us. Thanks for dropping by!

Shirley Wells said...

Congrats, Dee J! I love both covers. You must be thrilled with them.

Forgiveness is a tricky beast. Like you, I can often forgive but I can never forget. It depends on how deep the hurt is, I suppose. Even if a person can forgive, it's far more difficult to trust again.

Dee J. said...

Hi Shirley,
Thanks! Yes, I love my covers!
I'll tell you something interesting. Some of the time, depending on the situation and the level of "hurt" I block out the bad stuff completely. Other times... it stays with me. It really does depend on the amount of pain felt from the blow.

Helena said...

I'm wondering about the difference between forgiving and forgetting. If you still remember a wrong which someone has done you, have you actually forgiven them for it? Or have you merely decided that you are not going to make them suffer the consequences of it?

Genuine question - I'm truly interested to understand what someone means by forgiving but not forgetting.

For myself - I will forgive most things, and I forget them too, but a few are unforgivable e.g. betrayal by someone you love who says they love you. I've found that once trust is gone, so has something fundamental which underpins love - so even if you thought you could forgive, in fact the damage is irreversible. That's slightly different from not forgiving, but there may be a link.

Dee J. said...

Hi Helena,
I guess my only "for instance" in forgiving but not forgetting, is if someone tell me a lie and it's discovered, and it doesn't really "hurt" me and they feel remorse, I can forgive them. But I will remember that they lied and therefore, I may not take everything they say at face value again. So, if they are genuinely sorry, I can forgive, but not sure I can forget that they lied to me to begin with. Does that make sense? I can honestly forgive someone, but trusting them completely in the future is a different thing. Keep in mind, I'm talking about blatant lies not misunderstandings or misinterpretations. This is just my opinion though... anyone else might feel differently.

Helena said...

Thanks - I can understand that example.

Rita said...

woot! great cover.
Congrats. wishing you many sales

Dee J. said...

Hi Rita,
Thanks! The cover Gods have been generous with me. LOL.


And Helena,
Glad I was able to clarify.

Julie said...

This book is awesome - and I forgive you, Dee, for not putting it out sooner, LOL!

Dee J. said...

Hi Julie,
LOL. You're a funny lady. So glad you enjoyed the book! The forgiveness is good too! Thanks for popping in!

Janie Emaus said...

Great cover! I forgive easily, whereas, my husband holds a grudge fovever!

Marcelle Dubé said...

Congratulations, Dee! Love the covers, too.

Dee J. said...

Hi Janie,
Thanks!
Isn't there a saying that elephants remember everything? Maybe your husband was an elephant in a past life. LOL. I don't know that I hold grudges against people. I wonder if not forgetting is the same as holding a grudge... I'll have to think on that. Thanks for coming by!



Hi Marcelle,
Thanks!
So glad you made it in! I've been very lucky and the cover gods have definitely been with me!

Jean Harrington said...

So glad to see your post up there, Dee, along with the new cover art. Congratulations and good luck with the releases. And BTW, I hate lying too.

Lynne Marshall said...

Love the new and current covers! Wow.
Forgiving without forgetting is tricky. If someone has ruined your trust, it spills over to all kinds of other relationships. One lie for a good reason (having nothing to do with fidelity) is hard to grapple with, but doable.
Lying for infidelity's sake is something I personally could never forgive.

Dee J. said...

Hi Jean,
Thanks!
Glad you got in! Yeah, I'm not fan of the blatant lie, but on occasion, I might tell a little white lie if it spares someone's feelings. Thanks for dropping in!


Hi Lynne,
Thanks for coming back!! I hear ya. The infidelity lie would probably be a deal breaker for me. Sometimes, people have reasons to lie about other things... sometimes there are extenuating circumstances... chances are, I'll just remember it all. LOL. Thanks for stopping in!

Kady Winter said...

Hi Dee! Forgiving betrayal is a tricky thing, isn't it? Particularly romantic/marital betrayal.

Colette Freedman's "The Affair" looks at the issue from the POV of the wife, the husband and the mistress, with them all coming together for the thought-provoking finale.

And you're right - betrayal is a great source of conflict in fiction.

Congrats on your recent and upcoming releases. Great new cover!

Kady

Kady Winter said...

Hi Dee! Forgiving betrayal is a tricky thing, isn't it? Particularly romantic/marital betrayal.

Colette Freedman's "The Affair" looks at the issue from the POV of the wife, the husband and the mistress, with them all coming together for the thought-provoking finale.

And you're right - betrayal is a great source of conflict in fiction.

Congrats on your recent and upcoming releases. Great new cover!

Kady

Dee J. said...

Hi Kady,
Thanks! I love the new cover too. (Actually, I love all my covers. )
Yeah, marital betrayal... that would piss me off. I can't even imagine it. Although if someone's in very bad marriage with a really horrible person, then I can see someone needing the attention/love, but that's getting into a whole other can of worms. It's not so black and white sometimes. Thanks for dropping in and commenting!

Toni Anderson said...

Love the cover DJ. And absolutely some lies are harder to forgive than others. Fidelity is a big one. Criminal behavior would be another...

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