Celebration and Chuckles

IT'S FRIDAY FUN! and the Not Your Usual Suspects authors share some jokes and cheeky fun with you all through the Holiday season :)

Feel free to share YOUR jokes in the comments - maybe we'll include some of them in later blog posts!

**Comment on any post this month & be entered to win FREE BOOKS!**
***Countdown today: SEVEN BOOKS under the Christmas tree, see below***

Why did the lobster cross the road?
To get to the other tide.

Question: If Santa Claus is crossed with a detective then what would you get?

Answer: Santa Clues!

What's for lunch on Christmas Day for snowmen?
Answer: Icebergers!

How do snowmen travel around?
Answer: By icicle!

How does one snowman greet another?
Answer: Ice to meet you.

What's the popular name of a snowman in summer?
Answer: A puddle.

What's a snowman's favorite Mexican food?
Answer: Brrrr- itos.

What kind of money do snowmen use at the North Pole?
Answer: Cold cash!

How do you get to know if the snowman's in your bed?
Answer: You wake up wet!

What does a snowman likes to eat on Christmas Eve?
Answer: Turkey with snow topping.

What kind of money does a snowman use?
Answer: Cold cash!

*

Some jokes from one of our readers, flchen1:

Where do Santa's reindeers like to stop for lunch?
Deery Queen

What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

                                     

                                    

Share a lovely clip of a Hallelujah Chorus by the people of Quinhagak in Alaska:



Link: http://youtu.be/LyviyF-N23A

And OHHHH this made me wince! From A Christmas Story - Tongue Stuck to Pole ...

Only available on Link: http://youtu.be/_RgCbcT8eEU



Update on the BOOK GIVEAWAY:
Follow this on each post during Dec as the books mount up. Comment on any post to to be entered in the draw. Final prize giveaway on Jan 2!

SEVEN BOOKS TO DATE!

Blinded by Our Eyes by Clare London
Dead Silent - Shirley Wells
Sea of Suspicion by Toni Anderson
Under Fire by Rita Henuber
The Shoeless Kid - Marcelle Dube
No One to Trust - Julie Moffett
Icescapade - Josh Lanyon

Saucy, sweet and simply divine

IT'S WEDNESDAY WARMERS: The Not Your Usual Suspects authors share their seasonal recipes ... mmmmmm!

**Comment on any post this month & be entered to win FREE BOOKS!**
***Countdown today: SIX BOOKS under the Christmas tree, see below***

               

JULIE WACHOWSKI shares PIRANHA ARTICHOKE DIP

1 can of Artichokes
1 can of chopped green chilis
½ cup mayo
½ cup parmesan cheese (+ some for sprinkling.)
1 teaspoon (or more if you like) Dill
Pinch of pepper 

Drain and rough chop the artichokes. Mix the artichokes with the chilis, mayo, dill & cheese.
Add a pinch of black pepper. Pile everything into a small shallow baking dish. Sprinkle with a little more cheese.
Bake at 350 for 30-40 minutes, until it’s brown & bubbly.
Serve with sturdy crackers or sliced baguette.
Stand back after serving. (A piranha like feeding frenzy has been known to ensue, hence the name.)
(Makes a great spread for a leftover turkey or ham sandwich too!)


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J. B. LYNN shares KITCHEN SINK CRANBERRY SAUCE 

1 (12 ounce) package fresh cranberries

3/4 cup sugar

1 small can mandarin oranges (drained and chopped)

1 apple & 1 pear - peeled, cored and diced

1 cup chopped nuts (walnut/pecan mixture)

1 cup chopped dried mixed fruit

1/2 teaspoon nutmeg

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1 cup water

                  

Boil water and stir in sugar until the sugar dissolves. Reduce heat to simmer, and add cranberries, orange, apple, pear, dried fruit, nuts and spices. Stir. Cover, and simmer for approximately 20-30 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the cranberries burst. Remove from heat, and let cool.

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CLARE LONDON  shares MINCE PIES(because people keep asking what these UK pies are all about!)

225g cold butter, diced
350g plain flour
100g golden caster sugar
280g mincemeat
1 small egg, beaten
icing sugar, to dust

(1) To make the pastry, rub the butter into the flour, then mix in the sugar and a pinch of salt. Combine the pastry into a ball - don't add liquid - and knead it briefly. The dough will be fairly firm, like shortbread dough. You can use the dough immediately, or chill for later.

(2) Preheat the oven to 200C/gas 6/fan 180C. Line 18 holes of two 12-hole patty tins, by pressing small walnut-sized balls of pastry into each hole. Spoon the mincemeat into the pies.

(3) Take slightly smaller balls of pastry than before and pat them out between your hands to make round lids, big enough to cover the pies. Top the pies with their lids, pressing the edges gently together to seal - you don't need to seal them with milk or egg as they will stick on their own. (The pies may now be frozen for up to 1 month).

(4) Brush the tops of the pies with the beaten egg. Bake for 20 minutes until golden. Leave to cool in the tin for 5 minutes, then remove to a wire rack. To serve, lightly dust with icing sugar. They will keep for 3 to 4 days in an airtight container.

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JB Lynn

Website

Julie Wachowski

Website

Clare London

Writing … Man to Man

Website | Blog | Facebook | Twitter

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Update on the BOOK GIVEAWAY:
Follow this on each post during Dec as the books mount up. Comment on any post to to be entered in the draw. Final prize giveaway on Jan 2!

SIX BOOKS TO DATE!

Blinded by Our Eyes by Clare London
Dead Silent - Shirley Wells
Sea of Suspicion - Toni Anderson
Under Fire - Rita Henuber
The Shoeless Kid - Marcelle Dube
No One to Trust - Julie Moffett

The stories behind the decorations

IT'S MISTLETOE MONDAY -  The Not Your Usual Suspects authors share their personal Holiday season decorations and delights with you.

Tell us about your favourite decorations and traditions at this time of year - we'd love to hear them!



We love to decorate! Here are some of the beautiful displays on view by our authors:

Shirley says: I love tinsels and baubles, the tree and my scarf-wearing reindeer, but my favourite Christmas decoration is snow. I'm like a kid when the first flake appears and our traditional Boxing Day walk and/or football match isn't the same without the lovely white stuff.

Shirley Wells

Dark Crimes, Deep Secrets, Powerful Stories...

Website | Blog | Twitter | Facebook

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Shelley says: During the run-up to Christmas, I like to make small gifts rather than buy them. Not only is it satisfying, but it’s cost effective too. I enjoy cooking and I have several recipes that make perfect gifts, but I only make them at Christmas. Why? Confession time…

I have a terrible sweet tooth. I blame my father. He's always liked anything sweet ranging from dessert to cakes and sweets. It would be much easier if I hadn't inherited this gene, but I try to control myself as much as possible.

My father is a farmer. He has worked hard all his life and has never suffered a weight problem. My sister thinks, and I agree, a little indulgence of his sweet tooth isn’t bad. After all, he can't hurt his teeth since he has false ones. :grin:

He has a lolly jar that my sister fills periodically. There used to be a running joke. My sister would fill the jar and before she knew it, the lolly jar would be empty again. My father always denied everything and said that Joe ate them. (Joe was my sister's big foot cat. He was a real character but he died earlier this year) This is how the conversation would go:

"My lolly jar is empty."

"But I filled it a few days ago," my sister would say.

"Joe has been in the lolly jar again," my father would say. "I told him off but he keeps eating the lollies when I’m not looking."

After Joe died, my father forgot for a minute. He started the lolly jar is empty and Joe ate them spiel.

"Ah-ha!" said my sister. "You can't blame Joe. He isn't here."

My father is still trying to come up with a good excuse.

Shelley Munro
Provocative, Adventurous, Romance.

Website

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Elise says: here's my toy poodle Jackie Warner Bernard at her first Christmas Party, complete with special decorations!

Elise Warner

Scene Stealer

Website | Blog

                              



Update on the BOOK GIVEAWAY:
Follow this on each post during Dec as the books mount up. Comment on any post to to be entered in the draw. Final prize giveaway on Jan 2!

FIVE BOOKS TO DATE!

Blinded by Our Eyes by Clare London
Dead Silent - Shirley Wells
Sea of Suspicion - Toni Anderson
Under Fire - Rita Henuber
The Shoeless Kid - Marcelle Dube

Festive Fun and Music

IT'S FRIDAY FUN! and the Not Your Usual Suspects authors share some jokes and cheeky fun with you all through the Holiday season :)

Feel free to share YOUR jokes in the comments - maybe we'll include some of them in later blog posts!

(Sez Clare: and hey, I take no responsibility for the seasonal cheesiness LOL)

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?  "Breathe, moron. Breathe!"

*

On Christmas morning a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a beautiful diamond necklace. What do you think it means?”
“You’ll know tonight,” he said.
That evening just before opening presents, the husband came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it only to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams.”

*

Why is getting Christmas presents for your kids just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

*

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by St. Peter at the pearly gates.

“In honor of this holy season,” St. Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas in order to get into heaven.”

The man from Nova Scotia fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle,” he said.
“You may pass through the pearly gates,” St. Peter said.

The man from Saskatchewan reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They're bells.”

Saint Peter said, “You may pass through the pearly gates.”

The Newfoundlander started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”

The Newfie replied, “These are Carols.”

*

A man is walking through the Olympic village and stops to talk to an athlete who is carrying a really long pole. He asks “are you a pole vaulter” the athlete replies, “No I am German but how did you know my name was Walter?”

*

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says,

"I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough".

"Dad, what are you talking about?'" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer", the Father says. "We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her".

Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like hell they're getting divorced", she shouts, "I'll take care of this".

She calls Scotland immediately and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Done! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way."

                                     

                                    

Share some Christmas music with Bruce Springsteen, recommended by Toni Anderson:

Link: http://youtu.be/T5yj8ARVV3M


A clip from A Christmas Story, courtest of Rita Henuber:



http://youtu.be/MR-tKkWWtXo



Update on the BOOK GIVEAWAY:
Follow this on each post during Dec as the books mount up. Comment on any post to to be entered in the draw. Final prize giveaway on Jan 2!

FOUR BOOKS ALREADY!

                                  Blinded by Our Eyes by Clare London
Dead Silent - Shirley Wells
Sea of Suspicion by Toni Anderson
Under Fire by Rita Henuber

No, of course your bum doesn't look big in this ...

IT'S WEDNESDAY WARMERS: The Not Your Usual Suspects authors share their seasonal recipes ... mmmmmm!

SHELLEY MUNRO shares COCONUT ICE

Those of you who share my sweet tooth flaw will probably curse me in a moment. I found this recipe for Coconut Ice in my favorite food magazine - Taste. It's incredibly easy and uses the microwave rather than a saucepan on the stove top. It would be great for those times when you need to make something for a fete or school fair, and as I mentioned above, it makes a good Christmas treat.


1 kg icing sugar or 2.2 pounds(confectioner's sugar in US)
1/2 cup milk
200 g butter or 1.76 sticks of butter
4 cups long coconut threads
2 - 3 drops red food coloring

Mix the icing sugar, milk and butter in a large microwaveable bowl and microwave for 2 minutes or until the butter has melted. Stir in the coconut.
Spread half the mixture into a baking paper-lined slice tin. Smooth until flat. Add a couple of drops of red food coloring to the remaining half and mix well. Spread on top of the white layer and carefully smooth until flat. Refrigerate the coconut ice until firm then cut into squares and store in an airtight container.

Notes: If I'm making it for myself, I make half the recipe. I couldn't purchase the long coconut threads and use normal desiccated coconut. I've given the conversions NZ to US.
This is really yummy stuff. :grin:

TONI ANDERSON shares EASY 7 LAYER CAKE

Easy recipe and all the men who've tried it love it. I picked this recipe up in a very ritzy shop in Key Biscayne a few years ago.

#1 Melt stick of butter in a 9X12 inch pan

#2 Sprinkle Graham cracker crumbs to soak butter (1-1.5 cups).
#3 Spread choc chips all over (1 bag 8 oz)
#4 Spread butterscotch chips all over (1 bag 8 oz)
#5 Spread crushed walnuts all over (1 bag) We leave this out so I guess ours is a 6 layer cake :)
#6 Sprinkle shredded coconut all over (1 bag)
#7 Pour over evenly 1 small can of condensed milk.

Pop in oven at 350 for 20-25 mins until top browns. Take out. Cool and cut into squares.


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Shelley Munro
Provocative, Adventurous, Romance.

Website

Toni Anderson

Atmospheric Tales of Love & Murder

Blog | Website | Twitter | Facebook

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Update on the BOOK GIVEAWAY:
Follow this on each post during Dec as the books mount up. Comment on any post to to be entered in the draw. Final prize giveaway on Jan 2!

THREE BOOKS ALREADY!

        Blinded by Our Eyes by Clare London
Dead Silent - Shirley Wells
Sea of Suspicion by Toni Anderson

With the compliments of the season

IT'S MISTLETOE MONDAY -  The Not Your Usual Suspects authors share their personal Holiday season decorations and delights with you.

Tell us about your favourite decorations and traditions at this time of year - we'd love to hear them!



Maureen's favorite decoration:

We used to have these blue lights for the Christmas tree. Two strands of them. And before we put them up on the tree my Dad would lay them out on the carpet in straight rows and I would pretend I was an airplane and land between them.

Maureen's favorite seasonal recipe:

My family makes Ukrainian food for Christmas. I confess that I am the only one in the family that doesn't like Ukrainian food, so my favorite Christmas recipe would be the 'special plate' of real food that Grandma slips me!

Maureen Miller

Website

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Sharon's favorite ornament:
Since my husband and I were married we give each other an ornament for Christmas. As our kids were born, we added them to the ornament giving tradition. Now, three kids and twenty-one years later we have trees (yes, plural) full of special ornaments. Every year we break out the boxes and as we hang them on the tree we reminisce and remember good times. Each ornament represents what our children were involved in that particular year. So I don't have one ornament but rather boxes and boxes of ornaments that represent our family. Its something I will cherish forever and someday my kids will get to take their ornaments with them to decorate their own trees.

Sharon Cullen

Website | Blog


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Marcelle's favourite decorations: Rosemary and Owl

Marcelle Dube

Website



Update on the BOOK GIVEAWAY:
Follow this on each post during Dec as the books mount up. Comment on any post to to be entered in the draw. Final prize giveaway on Jan 2!

Blinded by Our Eyes by Clare London

Dead Silent - Shirley Wells

It's Friday, and here's to the Weekend!

IT'S FRIDAY FUN! and the Not Your Usual Suspects authors share some jokes and cheeky fun with you all through the Holiday season :)

Feel free to share YOUR jokes in the comments - maybe we'll include some of them in later blog posts!

And don't forget our great giveaway GIFT in December, details below ...

What do you call Frosty the Snowman's lesser known brother, the baker?

Frosty the Doughman.

What is Kris Kringle's favorite part of the sentence?

The clause.

Which Christmas carol is about an old suit of armor?

Oh, Holey Knight.

What's a female sheep's favorite time of the year?

Ewe Near's Eve.

If Frosty the Snowman married a vampire what would they name their child?

Frostbite.

What is the army's favorite Christmas plant?

Missle toe.

What do you call a reindeer wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want. He can't hear you!

And to finish, here's a UK advert for the winter season for Boots the chemist (drugstore, to my US cousins) which never ceases to make me laugh. In fact, it was from last year, and they've resurrected it this year, so it must have struck a nerve with more people than just me LOL.

Here's the link if you can't pick it up from the blog post:  http://youtu.be/9C4UVs3JD-g 

Update on the BOOK GIVEAWAY:
Follow this on each post during Dec as the books mount up. Comment on any post to to be entered in the draw. Final prize giveaway on Jan 2!

First book under the tree: my Carina title "Blinded by Our Eyes"