How to Love Networking, or at least have a mature relationship

Today and tomorrow, I’m attending the Chicago North bi-annual writing conference “Spring Fling.” 

Last year, it sounded like a great idea to propose a class and head out to a writing conference. Soak up some new info. Hang with other writers. Drink wine in the Marriot’s retro fern bar.

Riiiight. That was so last year. Now, I’m like, ugh. I have to talk? To people? I mean, stranger-people! And now I’m like, literally, sick. No, really. I mean seriously. What if people talk to me? And I’m so totally awkward. As usual. This may be my worst. Day. Ever!

In case you didn’t pick up on it, the thought of networking at a conference sends me into some kind of weird emo-regression-mode. Back in time! To the worst of high school. Pretty sure I can feel my hair expanding, and is that oxy-benzoyl-peroxide, I smell?

Clearly, I need help.

Lucky for me, I recently had a chance to talk with Gail Sussman-Miller, a career coach, who helps people increase their confidence with her workshop: “How to Love Networking.” Gail says there’s evidence that networking is the number one way to accomplish goals which need you need other people to achieve. Like selling books, for instance.

J: Networking is number one? (eye-roll) Awesome.

Gail: So what are your challenges to networking?

J: Um. All of it? I seem to have this CNN-style mind-ticker scrolling across the bottom of my brain: Should I sit at the end of the row or in the middle? When is too much eye contact is creepy? Is my cold/damp handshake going to give someone hebegebees? 

Gail: Sounds like you might benefit from a shift of perspective and a few practical tips. Try this: 

1. Reframe. Think of networking as “connecting with like-minded people for the greater good.”

J: Well, Spring Fling has lots of great speakers and writers.  Do you think I can get them to connect over wine in the fern bar?

Gail: Maybe. It'll certainly have you all more relaxed! Here’s a thought:

2. Be other-oriented. Everyone is special and if you show an interest in them, or offer to help someone else, you're already connecting! All you have to do is say: “Hello! Is it your first time here?” Focus on others to stay out of your own head.

J: Ah-ha! Regressing to high school mode is pretty much the definition of NOT being other-oriented.  Guess I need to snap out it & think about someone else. I can do that. But I hate that small-talk stuff. Any ideas?

Gail: Most people dislike small talk. Here’s what I recommend:

3. Ask a question that matters. “Why do you write romantic suspense?” or “What's your biggest writing challenge?” or even “What have you read lately that you couldn't put down?” These are questions that can inspire personal, authentic conversations.

J: OK. I can try that. Also perhaps, "Have you tried the fern-bar?"

Game on, NYUS-ers! I’ll report from the scene of the crime about how it’s going. Please feel free to advise me throughout the day! And Gail, if you aren’t busy, maybe you could be my lifeline if I get into trouble? 

Stay tuned!

To find out more about Gail and her work, visit her at www.inspiredchoice.com