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Monday, July 9, 2012

What's in those packages?

My neighbors get a lot of packages delivered to them. I estimate that between USPS, FED EX, and UPS they probably average about ten a day. Every day. If you do the math, you realize that's a boatload of boxes over the course of a year.

I've spun some wild stories in my head about what could be in those boxes. Then, when I realized that some of the boxes come addressed to people who don't even live there, my stories got wilder. And more paranoid.

While my husband is sure that our neighbors are very nice people, I've become convinced they're engaged in some sort of illegal activity.

Maybe the boxes contain drugs!

Or guns!

Or people!

Okay, maybe not the people ones at least.

When I try to make small talk with said neighbors (the real ones, not the ones who don't exist, but still "receive" lots of deliveries) all my wild (aka paranoid) stories run through my head as I babble about the weather, or the dogs, or whatever subject I think won't offend them because I'm kinda worried about getting shipped in a box myself.

Maybe I should write my next book about them?

Do you have odd neighbors? 

We once had a neighbor who got on the roof of his two story house EVERY SINGLE DAY with his leaf blower to clean it off. The poor guy had suffered a head injury and I pitied him, but he also scared me.

Do you make up stories about people you encounter? A cashier? A waiter? Someone waiting on line? The woman who lets her dog pee on your lawn every freaking day?

Tell me I'm not the only one with this reflex!

When she's not spinning stories about her neighbors, JB Lynn writes stories about murder, love, and how screwed up the world is. The sequel to her novel CONFESSIONS OF A SLIGHTLY NEUROTIC HITWOMAN will be out in October. For more info visit her website.


Rita said...

Yesterday my son rode his motorcycle over, stayed the afternoon and left around seven. This morning as I’m leaving a neighbor (in her 80’s) about five doors down on the opposite side of the street flags me down. WT…? I stop and she says “tell your boyfriend that motorcycle is too loud.” Allrighty then. Don’t think I’ll tell my son that.
In Kansas City a nosey neighbor took great delight in telling me the comings and goings of my kids when I wasn’t home. One night she even watched the neighbor across the street get burglarized. She knew everything they carried out. Did she call the police or the neighbor? No. She said it wasn’t any of her business. UGG!

Marcelle Dubé said...

I used to live on 20 acres and one of my neighbours was the local "character." He must have had 50 broken down cars hidden in the depths of his acreage and, rumour has it, a couple of greenhouses for pot growing. I never explored for fear there would be traps...

JB Lynn said...

Rita -- LOL re: your "boyfriend". Awful about the nosy neighbor who didn't call the cops. What's wrong with people??

Marcelle -- Sounds like not exploring was a wise decision!

I'm pleased to learn I'm not the only one with odd neighbors.

Jean Harrington said...

Intriguing question you raise,A few months ago, a neighbor wrote in lipstick on the windshield of a visitor I had,"Do not park on the grass." In deep tangerine. And the grass wasn't even hers.

While this would have been annoying, upsetting and embarrassing no matter who my guest was, this one happened to be a reporter from our local newspaper. After many phone calls, e-mails, etc., to the editor, I finally snagged an interview complete--with pictures--about Designed for Death and the explosion in digital printing. The whole nine yards.

To say the reporter was furious when he saw his smeared car is putting it mildly. Climax to this tale? The interview has never appeared in the paper.

I do still talk to this woman on occasion, but I use my classroom voice. The one my husband hates. Ah well, life is a series of mishaps. Maybe I'll have a lipstick scene in a new WIP. If handed lemons . . .

JB Lynn said...

Jean -- Oh no! That's terrible. I'm so sorry!

Toni Anderson said...

I spin stories about people. I remember staying in a tiny B&B in Victoria and no one knew where I was staying. She couldn't really speak English and had a odd son. But, the next day (yes, I survived the night) she treated me to a massive breakfast and almost cried when I left b/c I reminded her so much of her daughter. LOL--I couldn't get out of there fast enough. The boxes would intrigue me. :)

JB Lynn said...

Toni -- I'm glad I'm not the only spinner. ;-)

I wouldn't have slept a wink in that B&B!

Clare London said...

That's intriguing! I love your theories :)

There was a period when a steady stream of young men in hoodies passed through the house next door to us. My dear, naive young son assumed the young man next door had a lot of friends. But when I came home one night to find 2 police vans in the road and a dog patrol going in next door, plus a sobbing cleaning lady being escorted discreetly away, we knew it was more :). Nowadays we just get the rather sweet smell wafting over on warm days, and we hope it's just for personal use...

Shirley Wells said...

Ha. I love Rita's 'boyfriend' story.

I have really boring neighbours at the moment, but I once lived next to a really odd couple. The male was definitely strange and once, about two months went by when I didn't see his wife at all. Not once. His name was Norman so I decided he'd either put his wife in the attic with 'Mother' or he'd buried her in the garden.
(I can, however, confirm that she's alive and well.)

JB Lynn said...

Clare -- lol, re: your naive son...on the plus side they're probably mellow neighbors ;-)

Shirley -- Oh my! I'd totally have thought that about poor Norman too!!

Maria said...

I don't have to make up stories about my neighbors. But I do blog about them now and then...because yeah, I have some pretty weird neighbors. We walk every morning, two miles. You come across some weird and unexplainable...people.

I must check out your book. With a title like that and a neighbor with all those boxes...I am intrigued!

Maria said...

Hmm. The link on the sidebar that is your name...goes nowhere. Well, I will hunt you and your book down. I'm tenacious. Good at solving way to search the site to find your book...but I won't give up!

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